


Alone

by orphan_account



Series: The "Alone" series [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: After The Angels Fall, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Au- John Winchester Killed himself, Castiel is a Winchester, Dark Dean Winchester, Dark Sam Winchester, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Gabriel is a Winchester, Gabriel only has a bit of power, Heavy Angst, Human Castiel, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insanity, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Living!Gabriel, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Sam-Centric, Season/Series 09, Unrequited Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Unrequited Love, angst train attack, because he's just great at raising kids., but its from the fall, everyone who reads my stories must think i'm insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 09:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3115004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Sam Winchester wondered for a second, "why did he want to be alone?" It might have turned out differently. But it didn't.<br/>TW: Suicide (only slightly implied, but I'm being safe.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This has major character death. Also Gabriel/Dean, and Dean/Castiel and unrequited Gabriel/Sam  
> It's a poem based off of a Stephen King quote.  
> Also, this isn't what I normally write. I've just been on an insanity streak.

> Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and Hell is only a poor synonym. -Stephen King

_I am alone_.

That is the only thing on Sam Winchester's mind.

_I made myself alone._

The other thought that is burrowing itself closer.

Breaking through the carefully constructed wall of  _lies._

Destroying his sanity.

His peace of mind.

He wants to cry.

***

He wants to kill someone.

_Killing._

_Killed._

_Dead._

Sam wants to be dead.

Something slow, painful, like his brother's.

He doesn't  _deserve_ a quick death.

Because Gabriel is dead.

Dean is dead.

Not everyone is dead.

But he is still alone.

Castiel is somewhere far, far away.

Not Cas.

Castiel.

And Sam Winchester is alone.

***

It started with an argument.

Dean staying out late.

Getting drunker than he usually did every day.

The fucking alcoholic turned out just like dad did.

Hits and scratches.

Dean shooting Gabriel.

Just part of a "Domestic Dispute", he called it.

_"Gabe's an angel, he'll be fine."_

He wasn't.

He was injured in the fall.

Gabriel died in Sam's arms.

Screaming and crying for Dean to stop doing something.

Sam didn't want to think about what it was.

Sam shot Dean himself.

Right in the stomach.

Where Dean had shot Gabriel.

So he died the same way Gabriel did.

Almost.

He took precautions.

Angel-proofed the bullets.

Made sure Castiel couldn't heal him.

Dean died in Castiel's arms.

All while Castiel held him close and begged him to stay awake.

_Because he **loved** him._

_Because Dean **loved** him._

The cheating fuck.

He didn't  _deserve_ Gabriel.

Castiel called him a monster for killing his own brother.

His brother was the monster.

He did things he knew Gab-...people didn't want done to them.

He completely stripped away control from Gabriel "I am in control of myself" Winchester.

He was a demon.

He had to be.

Castiel continued.

An abomination.

The devil's child.

_"You are an abomination, Sam Winchester! The devil's child! A monster! He was your brother!"_

Sick.

Twisted.

_Lucifer._

_"You are a sick, twisted thing, Sam... you are truly my brother now. You **are** Lucifer."_

Sam never bothered to point out that Castiel had done the same.

That Castiel had killed his brothers too.

He didn't care anymore.

At that moment he wanted to be alone.

Now, all he wanted was someone to be with him.

He could be Dean.

Be an alcoholic.

Do bad, bad things to Castiel.

Threaten him.

Beat him.

Hurt him so bad that he begged to be killed.

Because that's what he did to Gabriel.

And Gabriel was  _his._

Just like Castiel  _was_ Dean's.

Or he could go out like Dad did.

He remembers Dad saying to him;

_"Its the coward's way out, Sammy."_

Well, John Winchester can shut the fuck up, the hypocritical asshole.

Sam  _was_ a coward.

He wondered where his gun was.


End file.
